Not been blogging for a while (6 weeks!), couldn’t face it to be honest, so here’s an update...
20th May 2010
SO embarrassed, CJ had his teddy bears picnic today at nursery, so dug out one of his newborn cardies to put on his bear. This of course had me reminiscing over the size of him when he was born. Think it set me off for the day, because I then managed to turn up one week early for his parent’s night! Fortunately the owner, Kate, is lovely and asked if I wanted to stay and see her then, she just wouldn’t have his photos printed off. Apparently CJ is doing really well, his numbers, colours and speech are great and they are very pleased with his progress. Kate then asked if he was going to be our only one, and as I had told her CJ was IVF and we would be having another cycle for a sibling when I filled in CJs application form, I told her what had happened. As I was relaying everything, I could feel my voice go, and saw the tears start to fill Kate’s eyes. It had been a while since I had spoken about it to anyone, and I was amazed I managed.
22nd May 2010
Stayed at home this weekend – it’s a scorcher! Think it would have actually been too hot at the caravan, what I wouldn’t give for a bit of a breeze. Managed to attack the garden though, so at least it’s looking a bit tidy again.
My chat with Kate set something off, I kept filling up last night, the tears just kept coming as I imagined what a lovely bump I should have by now....
14th June 2010
Been burying myself in evening telly this last month, so I am now in a panic! What am I going to do without Lost, CSI, Glee, Modern Family? The Mentalist and Greys Anatomy are almost finished too – in fact what would I do without American TV?!?
18th June 2010
I used to sell jewellery online, and will do again one day, but in the meantime, I always manage to treat myself to something when new catalogues come through! So, I had been looking for something as a wee reminder of the twins, I found a gorgeous silver charm with two small butterflies for my “Links of London” style stretch bracelet. It arrived today, and it is perfect.
It’s not like I need reminding, but I just felt I needed something. I could never have gone through with a private funeral as was offered, but at the same time you miss not having something like a grave to visit. There’s a remembrance garden at the hospital, but again, I don’t think that’s for me either. My feelings have been all over the place, I grieved for the first twin, full of guilt and relief, then when I knew I was losing the second one, the tears wouldn’t stop. After the delivery, I was too calm, almost cold, and then it hit me two weeks later, and the hurt was incredible. But if I was talking about it, I only referred to the wee one I delivered. Now, three months later, I’m grieving for both.
I’ve finally bagged up CJs clothes that I had hoped to need again, but have kept a few pieces that I just couldn’t bear to part with.
20th June 2010
Father’s Day! Had a lovely weekend at the caravan – weather was scorchio – and a wee bit breezy – but I’ve yet to see Prestwick without a breeze! We were settling down for the evening, CJ was in his jammies, when a Fire Engine drove past! Now, CJ is a massive fan of Toy Story, Handy Manny and of course Fireman Sam. So off DH went to investigate. Turned out someone had tossed a cigarette end into the foliage between the caravan site and the Royal Troon Golf Course, causing a small fire as it has been so dry and sunny up here.
DH got the all clear to bring CJ round to see the fire engine and gave me strict instruction to follow with the camera – don’t know who looks more excited in the picture!
22nd June 2010
My friend Paulina with her ICSI twins, CJ and I all went through to my friend Mary’s in Dunbar today. She and her hubby had been running a cafe in a family park but (lucky me) they are moving back through in a few weeks time. Anyway, I hadn’t wanted to mention this before now, as Mary has been pretty scared but.... she’s 15 weeks pregnant with a beautiful wee FET bean! She told me not to tell anyone when she got her positive, so that included you! She got her positive just after our miscarriage and my mum and DH (had to tell them!) were worried how I would handle it – but she was probably the only person who could tell me she was pregnant without me feeling any pangs of jealousy.
Anyway, the kids all had a fantastic time, feeding the animals, going on the wee train and bouncing on trampolines and bouncy castles, needless to say, silence in the car on the way home with all three asleep in the back!
24th June 2010
CJ was so cute today, I was babysitting my niece while my sister was away doing hair (mobile hairdresser). My niece was a wee bit upset when sis left, so I told her not worry, mummy would be back in two minutes, so CJ put his arm around and said “S’ok, your mummy only be two minutes” Too cute!
27th June 2010
Ok, not having much luck selling CJ’s clothes. They would be an absolute bargain for someone, as there are great labels in there, and some of it is hardly worn. Anyway, if I can be bothered to do a car boot, that may be my only option, but I imagine I will end up dropping it all off at a charity shop! Hardest thing to part with I think will be our beautiful Silver Cross. It was my SIL’s for her three boys, so I think whatever we get for it; we’ll split between all four boys for their piggy banks.
How I am going to feel watching someone else walk out of my house with it is something else altogether....
1 July 2010
Ok folks, here goes – I’m too fat! There, I said it. DH disagrees of course, but at 5’7” size 16/18, I’m too fat! My boobs have never gone after having CJ, and my weight just hasn’t gone down enough. I had managed to lose some before my myomectomy and again before our treatment cycle, but it’s all came back again. So, I bit the bullet and joined Esporta – again! I joined years ago when they first opened in Hamilton, but left a number of years later when I wasn’t finding the time to go. So here I am, back again, this time on an off-peak membership, as I can’t go in the evenings with DH working. I’m determined to slim down, as there is no way I can be this size at my due date with no baby. It’s really getting me down, as I don’t even feel I look like myself when I look at my reflection in the mirror. A comfortable size 14 will do, I’m not looking for miracles. I came across a picture of myself from 17 years ago in bikini, size 10/12, not a chance I’ll ever be that shape or size again, but to have room in my 14s will do.
3 July 2010
Sitting in the caravan writing this with DH sucked in by another world cup match! It’s actually been quite therapeutic having a quite sob to myself. DH has taken CJ round to the wee bar to play on the racing car game – you don’t even need to put money it, CJ just thinks it’s fab to watch all the cars on the screen as he spins the steering wheel – while he watches the football. I’ve been getting regular updates from DH about CJ chatting up seven year old girls, offering them a bit of his Fab lolly with a “want some?” and having a slide down the chute!
Discussed coming down here for the week of our due date with DH over lunch. Just don’t think I could carry on as normal at home. We’ll see nearer the time.
20th May 2010
SO embarrassed, CJ had his teddy bears picnic today at nursery, so dug out one of his newborn cardies to put on his bear. This of course had me reminiscing over the size of him when he was born. Think it set me off for the day, because I then managed to turn up one week early for his parent’s night! Fortunately the owner, Kate, is lovely and asked if I wanted to stay and see her then, she just wouldn’t have his photos printed off. Apparently CJ is doing really well, his numbers, colours and speech are great and they are very pleased with his progress. Kate then asked if he was going to be our only one, and as I had told her CJ was IVF and we would be having another cycle for a sibling when I filled in CJs application form, I told her what had happened. As I was relaying everything, I could feel my voice go, and saw the tears start to fill Kate’s eyes. It had been a while since I had spoken about it to anyone, and I was amazed I managed.
22nd May 2010
Stayed at home this weekend – it’s a scorcher! Think it would have actually been too hot at the caravan, what I wouldn’t give for a bit of a breeze. Managed to attack the garden though, so at least it’s looking a bit tidy again.
My chat with Kate set something off, I kept filling up last night, the tears just kept coming as I imagined what a lovely bump I should have by now....
14th June 2010
Been burying myself in evening telly this last month, so I am now in a panic! What am I going to do without Lost, CSI, Glee, Modern Family? The Mentalist and Greys Anatomy are almost finished too – in fact what would I do without American TV?!?
18th June 2010
I used to sell jewellery online, and will do again one day, but in the meantime, I always manage to treat myself to something when new catalogues come through! So, I had been looking for something as a wee reminder of the twins, I found a gorgeous silver charm with two small butterflies for my “Links of London” style stretch bracelet. It arrived today, and it is perfect.
It’s not like I need reminding, but I just felt I needed something. I could never have gone through with a private funeral as was offered, but at the same time you miss not having something like a grave to visit. There’s a remembrance garden at the hospital, but again, I don’t think that’s for me either. My feelings have been all over the place, I grieved for the first twin, full of guilt and relief, then when I knew I was losing the second one, the tears wouldn’t stop. After the delivery, I was too calm, almost cold, and then it hit me two weeks later, and the hurt was incredible. But if I was talking about it, I only referred to the wee one I delivered. Now, three months later, I’m grieving for both.
I’ve finally bagged up CJs clothes that I had hoped to need again, but have kept a few pieces that I just couldn’t bear to part with.
20th June 2010
Father’s Day! Had a lovely weekend at the caravan – weather was scorchio – and a wee bit breezy – but I’ve yet to see Prestwick without a breeze! We were settling down for the evening, CJ was in his jammies, when a Fire Engine drove past! Now, CJ is a massive fan of Toy Story, Handy Manny and of course Fireman Sam. So off DH went to investigate. Turned out someone had tossed a cigarette end into the foliage between the caravan site and the Royal Troon Golf Course, causing a small fire as it has been so dry and sunny up here.
DH got the all clear to bring CJ round to see the fire engine and gave me strict instruction to follow with the camera – don’t know who looks more excited in the picture!
22nd June 2010
My friend Paulina with her ICSI twins, CJ and I all went through to my friend Mary’s in Dunbar today. She and her hubby had been running a cafe in a family park but (lucky me) they are moving back through in a few weeks time. Anyway, I hadn’t wanted to mention this before now, as Mary has been pretty scared but.... she’s 15 weeks pregnant with a beautiful wee FET bean! She told me not to tell anyone when she got her positive, so that included you! She got her positive just after our miscarriage and my mum and DH (had to tell them!) were worried how I would handle it – but she was probably the only person who could tell me she was pregnant without me feeling any pangs of jealousy.
Anyway, the kids all had a fantastic time, feeding the animals, going on the wee train and bouncing on trampolines and bouncy castles, needless to say, silence in the car on the way home with all three asleep in the back!
24th June 2010
CJ was so cute today, I was babysitting my niece while my sister was away doing hair (mobile hairdresser). My niece was a wee bit upset when sis left, so I told her not worry, mummy would be back in two minutes, so CJ put his arm around and said “S’ok, your mummy only be two minutes” Too cute!
27th June 2010
Ok, not having much luck selling CJ’s clothes. They would be an absolute bargain for someone, as there are great labels in there, and some of it is hardly worn. Anyway, if I can be bothered to do a car boot, that may be my only option, but I imagine I will end up dropping it all off at a charity shop! Hardest thing to part with I think will be our beautiful Silver Cross. It was my SIL’s for her three boys, so I think whatever we get for it; we’ll split between all four boys for their piggy banks.
How I am going to feel watching someone else walk out of my house with it is something else altogether....
1 July 2010
Ok folks, here goes – I’m too fat! There, I said it. DH disagrees of course, but at 5’7” size 16/18, I’m too fat! My boobs have never gone after having CJ, and my weight just hasn’t gone down enough. I had managed to lose some before my myomectomy and again before our treatment cycle, but it’s all came back again. So, I bit the bullet and joined Esporta – again! I joined years ago when they first opened in Hamilton, but left a number of years later when I wasn’t finding the time to go. So here I am, back again, this time on an off-peak membership, as I can’t go in the evenings with DH working. I’m determined to slim down, as there is no way I can be this size at my due date with no baby. It’s really getting me down, as I don’t even feel I look like myself when I look at my reflection in the mirror. A comfortable size 14 will do, I’m not looking for miracles. I came across a picture of myself from 17 years ago in bikini, size 10/12, not a chance I’ll ever be that shape or size again, but to have room in my 14s will do.
3 July 2010
Sitting in the caravan writing this with DH sucked in by another world cup match! It’s actually been quite therapeutic having a quite sob to myself. DH has taken CJ round to the wee bar to play on the racing car game – you don’t even need to put money it, CJ just thinks it’s fab to watch all the cars on the screen as he spins the steering wheel – while he watches the football. I’ve been getting regular updates from DH about CJ chatting up seven year old girls, offering them a bit of his Fab lolly with a “want some?” and having a slide down the chute!
Discussed coming down here for the week of our due date with DH over lunch. Just don’t think I could carry on as normal at home. We’ll see nearer the time.
posted by Tony's missus at 4:33 pm
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